Often, my first response isn’t the best response. Saying “I’ll fix this right now!” can lead to damaged relationships that are hard to fix. It’s best to step back and reconsider.
You’ve heard this before. Be deliberate in how you respond to a suspected affront.
Yeah, but who does that, huh? Well, for one, those who are emotionally intelligent enough to recognize the downsides of uncontrolled responses.
The Essentials
Why do I rush into conflict? Because of any number of reasons. For instance:
1). I’m angry about what was said or done (…to me, on purpose, again!!!).
2). Or, I am responding without thinking.
3). Worse yet, I’m accusing without asking.
4). And, assuming without verifying.
5). At times, there’s a history of conflict between me and the other person.
Thus, a string of problems caused by my inappropriate response. Similarly, Proverbs 25.8 warns about hastily getting into conflict because you run the risk of being at fault yourself. In addition, there’s a similar warning in Proverbs 3.30.
The Best Case
So, what if I’m right? What if there’s a legitimate cause? Turns out, that responding immediately and in anger often leads to more conflict. Instead, what you want is to address the root problem.
Now, is self-control and deliberateness easy? No. And, will I always control the “I’ll fix this right now!” habit? Of course not.
Apply This Today
I’ll fix this right now! is a sure problem starter. Conversely, it’s not a problem fixer.
“You always” or “You never” are sure signs of a damaged history between the combatants.
First, ask “How can I best respond to what I’m perceiving as a problem?”
Second, ask “Is my objective to build a productive relationship or put someone in their place?”
Third, build some space and buy some time. For example, count to ten. Or, take a short walk.
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