When dealing with loss, it’s Ok to grieve, but then you must move on by focusing on what you can control.
Some background
My family owned a dog, Pooch, when we lived in middle Georgia as I was growing up.
I don’t remember us owning any other pets until years later when my sister brought home a cat, which as it turned out, I was allergic to.
I was born in 1950. Thus, I was a baby boomer following my father’s return home from World War II. My father’s job brought him to middle Georgia. A few years later we would move to the west coast of Florida as the result of another job transfer with the same firm.
I finished elementary school with that move to Florida, staying there until getting my MBA, then marrying. My first job out of college, after getting married, took us to the east coast of Florida the first five years of our marriage.
Life in middle Georgia
Those years in middle Georgia were when I was in kindergarten to the second grade.
We lived within walking distance of the elementary school I attended.
The house was small – two bedrooms and one bath. The yard was fenced. I remember having a sand pile to play in.
We attended a Baptist church nearby, which is now a very large church in the same location.
Occasionally I would go with dad on weekends to check on the smokehouse at the meat processing plant there. I always came out smelling like smoked meat!
Several years ago, when my mom was visiting us, I took her to see the that house where we had lived years before. Actually, not much had changed there in those 50-or-so years.
Although very modest, the neighborhood was safe. With a fenced yard, I was able to play outside often. That said, the gates were not always closed, so I was able to roam around a bit.
As expected, our dog was often outside with me. However, the dog was never allowed inside the house.
Experiencing loss as a child
One day in particular, Pooch and I were outside the fence, on the side of the road in front of the house.
A delivery truck went by, most likely a milkman.
The truck was one of those step vans where there was one step up from the street into the cab of the truck. The driver was on the left; his assistant was on the right, with the sliding door open.
Consequently, the assistant was just a foot or so off the pavement, standing in the truck.
For some reason, Pooch started chasing the truck as it drove by.
The dog was running along the right side of the truck, barking at the person standing up inside. The street was very short, ending in a stop sign. Thus, the chase itself was short.
At some point the driver’s assistant was close enough that he could reach out with his leg and kick the dog. As expected, the dog rolled under the wheel of the truck and was seriously injured.
Also, as expected, the truck didn’t stop.
Mom and I took the dog to the vet. We returned home to get the telephone call that nothing could be done. As a result, the dog was put to sleep.
I don’t remember much else about the incident other than crying when mom gave me the news.
That said, it made enough of an impression on me that I still remember these details about the incident.
As an adult, I had to put down another dog due to cancer. Now, even when older, the loss wasn’t much easier.
Some take-aways
One take away for me is that pets are certainly a joy, but are difficult to let go of.
Looking back on this incident as an adult, I would say to my younger self that some situations are uncontrollable. However, what you can control is your response to the situation.
It’s Ok to grieve, but then you must move on by focusing on what you can control. That is, don’t drag around grief, anger, and bitterness!
Similarly, it’s not Ok to constantly replay the incident in your head. And, not Ok to wish somehow you could go back and make it different because you cannot go back.