Knowing when to walk away from conflict is a valuable skill for a leader. Unfortunately, some don’t do that. As a result, the meddling of the foolishly unteachable is ill-advised.
Mind Your Own Business!
What is meddling? And, what’s it mean to meddle?
Well, a quick check in a dictionary tells us that it’s when I interfere in something that’s none of my concern. Similarly, we hear terms such as butt in, snoop, interfere, and muck around.
Frequently, the implication is that the opinions of the meddler aren’t wanted at all! So, butt out!
Unsurprisingly, the contrast in Proverbs 20.3 is between knowing when to let something go and meddling.
In fact, the two choices presented here are to stop arguing by letting it go, or to meddle!
Well then, why meddle? Perhaps the meddler is blind to just how unwelcome their opinions really are. Likewise, perhaps the meddle doesn’t recognize just how awkwardly misinformed their opinions really are!
“Letting it go” is a source of influence for a leader who is honored for taking the high road.
Meddling in Proverbs
Several Hebrew words are translated as meddling in Proverbs. Actually, the word used in Proverbs 20.3 is used just two other times in Proverbs, in Proverbs 17.14 and Proverbs 18.1.
First, Proverbs 17.14. The verse is a close parallel with Proverbs 20.3. Whereas 20.3 focuses on the discretion to walk away from conflict, 17.14 emphasizes how meddling simply compounds the problem.
The word translated meddling is reflexive. Thus, it means I do this to myself. So. this endless argument is my own fault!
Second, the word has a positive meaning in Proverbs 18.1. There, the meaning is to persist in gaining a deep understand of the precepts. How so? By combining a deep desire to learn with self-discipline!
However, note that I’m reading Proverbs 18.1 in the positive. Conversely, other translations emphasize the negative outcomes of separation and unfriendliness.
The Role of Discretion
Why do I persist in arguing? Also, why am I unable to let something go, even when I see there’s no end to the conflict?
I suspect there a several answers here. For example, I’m so stubborn that I must have my own way. No matter the cost!
Or, I’m so narrow-minded that I cannot recognize how any other opinion is possible besides my own.
Worse yet, there’s always the unthinkable – perhaps I’m wrong!
Conversely, when I’m guided by discretion I will look for another way forward. For instance, I will seek to identify some common ground where we do agree.
Remember, experiential insight is a way to build discretion. In addition, a sound character is an essential element in exercising discretion.
Ultimately, I must step back and decide how critical this issue really is. Hence, sayings such as “fall on my sword” and “die on this hill.”
The meddling of the foolishly unteachable suggests they lack the discretion to know when to let something go.
Who’s Unteachable
The Hebrew word evil is often translated fool and foolish. For example, the unteachable fool hates instruction, Proverbs 1.7 and resists authority, Proverbs 15.5.
Generally, it’s a waste of time trying to teach the unteachable, Proverbs 16.22. Thus, in plain English, “nobody can’t tell a fool nothing”, Proverbs 12.15!
Leadership Insight
Ok, but when should a leader meddle? Thus, when is it appropriate to push yourself into a difficult conversation?
Certainly you would agree that a leader shouldn’t tolerate bigotry or harassment. Or dishonesty. Obviously, leaders shouldn’t ignore incompetence or open defiance.
Those cases demand intervention, even if the leader isn’t directly involved. In fact, he or she is obligated to respond to those situations because the organization is at risk otherwise.
Moreover, is there a way for a leader to meddle constructively? I mean, certainly this instruction in Proverbs isn’t saying leaders are to avoid having difficult conversations!
Instead, an influential leader knows how to use constructive confrontation to mediate with the emotional and irrational.
Constructive confrontation includes thinking on my feet so I find a mutually-acceptable way forward.
It seems to me that one takeaway from Proverbs 20.3 and Proverbs 17.14 is that a precept-driven life yields interpersonal discretion. Then, I apply that discretion to know when, and when not to, intervene.
Constructive confrontation recognizes the destructiveness of uncontrolled conflict.
More importantly, I think, is the experiential insight to know how to most effectively intervene in a difficult conversation when the situation demands it.
Apply This Today!
In short, knowing when to walk away from conflict is a valuable skill for a leader because it avoids the meddling of the foolishly unteachable.
Similarly, knowing how to constructively manage conflict is an equally valuable skill.
Thus, an influential leader finds a way forward in a difficult conversation that’s not overbearing, or heavy-handed, or meddling.
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