In evangelical circles, submission is a familiar topic. But, what does submit mean anyway? Let’s discuss.
Ok, who cares?
Let’s discuss how New Testament writers handle the topic of submission.
Despite our fixation on a single aspect – – wives being submissive – – the term is used in a number of contexts.
In the original, the verb hupotasso is translated by English words such as submit, subjection, put under, subdue, subject, and obedient. It’s a military term meaning to arrange (lasso) under (hupo).
The word is used by the following writers: Luke, Paul, Peter, the writer of Hebrews, and James. It’s used at least 39 times across ten New Testament books. It appears multiple times in some verses. As such, we have a good number of references to draw from to establish meaning.
So, how’s it used?
Here’s an obvious starting point – we’re to submit ourselves to God, James 4.7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God…” The context is our humility before, and closeness to, God Himself.
More generally, according to Ephesians 5.21 and First Peter 5.5, we’re to be submissive in interactions with others. Similarly, we’re to be self-controlled, First Corinthians 14.32.
As expected, scripture encourages obedience to human authority in our roles as citizens and employees. See First Corinthians 16.16; Romans 13.1, and 13.5; Titus 2.9, and 3.1; First Peter 2.13 and 2.18.
Thus, we’re to submit to God, to authorities, and be humble in our dealings with others.
Another, less obvious use of submit is that all things will eventually be subject to the rule of Christ. See First Corinthians 15.27-28; Ephesians 1.22; Philippians 3.21; Hebrews 2.8; and First Peter 3.22.
Contrast those verses with Christ’s obedience to His parents in Luke 2.51, as a model for us to follow.
Unsurprisingly, we’re not naturally submissive to God, as discussed in Romans 8.7, 8.20, and 10.3.
Finally, the disciples received power they weren’t expecting, Luke 10.17 and 10.20.
Now, about the husband-wife thing!
The issue of a wife submitting to her own husband shows up in four New Testament passages: Ephesians 5.22, Colossians 3.18, Titus 2.5, and First Peter 3.1.
In Ephesians 5.22 we read: “Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord.”
Ephesians 5.21 tells us to submit to one another out of reverence. Thus, we all submit to the Lord, then to each other. In turn, that pattern follows for wives and husbands.
Consequently, as the church submits to Christ, Ephesians 5.24, so wives to their husbands.
But, keep reading! Ephesians 5.25 commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
Don’t miss the context here: wives are to submit. But that submission is within the framework of reverence to God, behavior for everyone that is submissive and humble, and the wife is submitting to a loving husband.
Those qualifiers hardly fit the model of blind obedience and subservience!
Instead, the husband’s love and reverence sets the tone for a healthy relationship, according to Ephesians 5.28: “He that loves his wife loves himself.”
Avoiding Bitterness
Colossians 3.18-19 is very similar to the Ephesians 5 passage, which is to be expected given they have the same writer.
Colossians 3.18 says wives are to submit to their husband “…as is fitting in the Lord.” Hence, the assumption of a spiritual, Godly center to the marriage.
Colossians 3.19 continues, telling husbands to love their wives. Thus, In Colossians 3 we see that same submit-love balance in the husband-wife relationship as taught in Ephesians 5.
However, Colossians 3.19 instructs a husband to “…not be bitter against his wife.” There, the word “bitter” means to be sharp or pointed. James 3.11 and 3.14 use that same root word to describe envy and strife.
But, why are husbands bitter? There are likely a number of reasons, but the warning points to how both partners must work to find common ground if the relationship is to flourish.
The Role of Mentoring
Titus 2.3-5 describes how older women, out of their sound character, are role models for younger women.
Specifically, they are to address eight issues, including to “…love their husbands…” and be “…obedient to their own husbands…” so their testimony is not damaged.
How about the young husbands? In Titus 2.6 their only instruction from the older men is that the younger are to be sound-minded.
Maybe the difference in volume of instruction between husbands and wives is an example of how low expectations often match our capabilities!
Living Without Fear
First Peter 3.1-7 also discusses husband-wife issues.
In First Peter 3.1-2 he mentions submission in the context of a wife’s testimony to her husband. As such, her lifestyle can point her husband to God.
In First Peter 3.4 he speaks of the value of a wife having a “…meek and quiet spirit…” In First Peter 3.5-6 he uses the example of Sarah and Abraham to explain how such a relationship worked in practice.
First Peter 3.6 says the wife is “…not afraid…”, thus not fearful. A marriage must not be a source of fear for the wife.
Peter continues in First Peter 3.7 saying the husband must be knowledgeable about the relationship and honor his wife so their prayers are not hindered. The word for knowledge (the noun gnosis) indicates a seeking to know, and a growing knowledge.
In short, a husband must be respectful, recognize the significant value his wife adds to the relationship, and – – worst of all – – doesn’t get a free pass to be clueless!
Where This Idea Came From
How did we get here? That is, what’s the foundation for this teaching about husbands and wives?
After Adam and Eve sinned, as recorded in Genesis Chapter 3, God pronounced a series of judgments, on Satan (Genesis 3.14-15), on the woman (Genesis 3.16), and on Adam (Genesis 3.17-19).
In Genesis 3.16 God said to Eve that she would have pain in childbirth. Also, He said her husband “…will rule over you.”
One reading of these judgments is that the original plan by God was different, for instance, in regard to the relationship between husbands and wives.
Is this passage in Genesis saying that submission of the wife to the husband is because of our inherent humanness, thus intended to give some chain of command in a marriage? Well, that’s interesting speculation.
Regardless, of the reason WHY, we must still live with the WHAT!
How does this work in practice?
The passages we’ve reviewed note responsibilities for both the husband and the wife. These teachings provide foundational truths.
However, living out these precepts isn’t as simple as knowing what’s expected of us. Why? Because both the husband and wife have opinions, beliefs, feelings, fears, and boundaries that are based on past experiences and shaped by their previous choices.
So, how do we find a way forward? Here are some suggestions for dealing with a high-stress, high-conflict issue where both parties have strongly-held opinions.
1). Find a way to get all the issues on the table, even in the face of stress and conflict.
2). Ask yourself questions like “What am I missing?” and “In the long-run, what’s this worth to me?” For the husband, ask “Is the boat/gun/opinion/ … / really that important to me?!
3). Give yourself time to consider multiple outcomes. It’s rare that there are only the two, conflicting options we are debating. For persons of faith, stepping back like this should involve prayer.
4). Ask a neutral party for their opinion, where neutral means they have nothing as stake in the outcome. Truly, the neutral party must have no dog in that fight!
5). Recognize the strengths, and weaknesses, of your partner. Perhaps the issue on the table, such as how one partner handles finances, isn’t their strength!
6). Remember that “you always” and “you never” are not constructive.
7). For the husband, you should be thoughtful about playing the “you must submit” card. Even if it turns out you were right (a rare occurrence indeed!), this heavy-handed approach places undue pressure on the relationship that’s remembered for a long time.
Some Precepts To Apply
In reverence to God, husbands and wives submit to each other, Ephesians 5.21. Moreover, we all are to be humble and mutually submissive, First Peter 5.5.
The submission of the wife occurs in the context of reverence, mutual submission, and a knowledgeable and loving husband.
A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, Ephesians 5.25. He must be knowledgeable about his wife, First Peter 3.7, thus be engaged in strengthening the relationship. According to Colossians 3.19 a husband must avoid bitterness toward his wife.
In short, a submissive wife isn’t a blank check for being a clueless, neglectful, or abusive husband!
I’m Dale Young. My posts share the balanced life to build wise character and guide wise behavior.
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