Preserving our integrity can be costly. We must carefully consider what to do when the lying starts.
A Fundamental Breach
Ever have an abrupt break in a close relationship? A breach that is a matter of integrity for you?
As it turns out, there’s no way forward. You must walk away.
In so doing, you clearly state your reasons for moving on. But, for the other party, the issue is simply a matter of choice. For them, it’s a minor difference of opinion.
However, you see continuing the relationship as endorsing the other party’s deception.
Your character demands that you leave. So, you do just that!
When the Lying Starts
The other party never acknowledges your exit. No text, email, or phone call. Nothing.
Instead, after months of conflict, they raise the stakes. How so? By even more, deeply disturbing behavior.
And now, the lying starts.
Why? It’s a form of self-justification for them. Moreover, it’s a ploy to evade accountability from those who remain.
Rather than deal with root problems, the other party finds ways to discredit you – – by lying.
They’re struggling to pull in the blindly loyal by telling lies and half-truths. As such, there’s zero chance of reconciliation.
Should you respond?
How much time do you want to spend defending yourself?
If you’ve already done what you can to salvage the relationship, isn’t it time to cut your losses?
But, aren’t you hurt and angry about the lies? Of course you are.
Now, step back. Ask yourself: “What’s this fight worth to me?”
You should focus on walking away with your character intact. As such, a high-road response trusts that the deceiver will eventually answer for his/her destructive behavior.
Fact is, for your own emotional health, and for the protection of those close to you, it’s best in these situations to walk away from a fight you spent months trying to avoid.
The Precept
In some cases, lying is a way to cover hatred, Proverbs 10.18: “He that hides hatred with lying lips… is a fool.”
Remember, lies can be short-lived, Proverbs 12.19: “…a lying tongue is but for a moment.”
Worse yet, deception is evidence of poor character, Proverbs 12.20: “Deceit is in the heart of them that imagine evil.”
Ultimately, we answer to God for our lies, Proverbs 12.22: “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord…”
Does lying work sometimes? Sure – – see Proverbs 21.6: “The getting of treasure by a lying tongue (brings emptiness) …”
Conversely, telling the truth is an intentional choice we make, Proverbs 8.7: “…my mouth shall speak the truth …”
Better yet, truth has lasting value, Proverbs 12.19: “The lip of truth shall be established forever …”
In short, lying come out of a poor character and may bring short-term benefit. But long-term, lying is destructive.
I cannot neglect my character and expect good results to follow! proverbsforprofessionals.net
Apply This Today!
Above all else, you must protect your character. You need discernment and situational awareness to know how to best guard your integrity.
Remember, if someone is lying about you they’re very likely lying about other people or other situations. Don’t be surprised when you hear similar stories as yours from others who walked away from that liar.
Ok, but where does accountability come in? Aren’t you letting them get away with deception by walking away? Eventually, the others around that liar must make their own choice. Some will remain willfully ignorant. Others will refuse to believe they’re being deceived. Thus, you must weigh self-preservation against the deliberate choices made by others.
You’ve likely figured out that this blog post was written from my own, unpleasant – – and recent – – personal experience. I sought outside counsel, spoke with my wife repeatedly, and made the issue a matter of prayerful consideration. Although a few said we abandoned them, most of those who contacted us were supportive of our decision to break-off the relationship. I said openly in my last group meeting that what was being presented was a matter of integrity for me. Yes, my wife and I will live with the blowback from our decision. How this plays out is yet to be determined. However, I’m seeing firsthand what it’s like when the lying starts.
One word of advice I received: leave your bitterness behind you. That is, don’t carry bitterness to the next place you go. Let go of that bitterness as you move on!
I’m Dale Young. My posts share the balanced life to build wise character and guide wise behavior.
To interact with me, use the links in the Contact Me tab of this blog.