This post answers the question Why should I change? The most productive type of life change is intentional. As such, you are deliberate about where you are going and why you want to go there! You are using foresight rather than responding to life events.
I was asked “Do you believe that people can change?”
The short and rather flippant answer is “Sure, people can change!”
However, the more relevant question is “Will people change?” Why is that more relevant?
Because there’s a big difference between “Can I change?” and “Will I change?” Note the transition in the conversation topic from “people” – change is somebody else’s problem, to “I” – change is my responsibility.
Three critical questions
“Can I change?” speaks to my capability to change.
“Will I change?” addresses my willingness to change.
“Why should I change?” identifies my motive to change.
What’s off the table
Now, some changes in our capabilities are the result of the normal process of maturing. For example, we should be a bit more discreet, self-controlled, and thoughtful as we grow older. Since those changes occur naturally, they are not part of this discussion.
Conversely, some personal traits are not subject to change. For example, I’m an introvert. That’s fairly hard-wired into me. Thus, no amount of personal growth is likely to turn me into an extrovert! Certainly I can be more effective in social situations, but I’m never going to be the life of a party. Fact is, I’m not likely to show up for the party, especially if it starts after 8:00 PM!
Also not discussed here are changes that come as a result of life trauma. For instance, dealing with a health crisis, at any age, may dramatically alter our outlook on life. Similarly, early-life abuse produces scars that are difficult to heal. To some extent, we all carry around baggage from our childhood that impacts us as adults. Clearly, that discussion is outside my circle of competence, thus is off the table in this conversation.
No change
Let’s start with the question “Why should I change?” It drives down to my motive for change. Without clearly understanding why there’s a need for change, I have no buy-in to the change process. With no buy-in personally, I’m setting myself up for failure.
Often, the default answer to this question is that I should not change. I’m perfect in every way already! Let’s set aside that response for those who are the most self-centered and impossibly arrogant! You know, they’re the sum total of all human knowledge!
Those are the know-it-alls that push everyone’s buttons while bringing nothing of value to the table. We all know them. We have worked with them. Or, we’ve endured them at family reunions!
But, how do you identify this person? Well, they have a quick, one-sentence solution to every problem known to man!
In Proverbs 14.7 Solomon advises us to simply walk away when we realize we are speaking to an over-confident fool who cannot be reasoned with! To me, he is suggesting that foolish overconfidence is nearly incurable. Also, see Proverbs 26.4-5 where he adds that no answer and no rationale is likely to be successful with a fool!
Forced change
Seriously, “Why should I change?” When asked, the most obvious, and most sarcastic, answer is to respond “How are things working out for you right now?” In other words, if your life is so wonderful and so inspiring, why are the outcomes of your life so poor by most commonly-used measures?
Therefore, if you are struggling with relationships, with finances, with career progression, or with emotional stresses, a reasonable response is to look for root cause.
Then, once you have identified root cause, you must change! Is that process unpleasant? You bet. I’ve been there and done that. Have I solved all those challenges? Of course not! But, I did make a mid-life change based on recognizing that what I was doing simply wasn’t working well. No, not working for me or our family. The change involved getting a Ph.D., moving, and making a dramatic change in my career.
Is there an option, other than changing? You bet. Simply stay where you are. Thus, continue to be dissatisfied with life and it’s recurring outcomes. That is, you absolutely refuse to change and to grow.
So, by all means, don’t change. See how well that works out for you!
A dumpster-fire lifestyle is, ultimately, self-destructive. Worse yet, that misspent life erodes every close relationship around you. Put the fire out, then choose to change! proverbsforprofessionals.net
Intentional change
The most productive type of life change is intentional. As such, you are deliberate about where you are going and why you want to go there! You are using foresight rather than responding to life events.
What are some of the moving parts to this intentional personal, professional, and spiritual growth?
First, become self-aware. Know yourself. Find out your strengths, then run with them. In short, the most impactful growth begins with WHO. Lasting change comes from the inside-out. Obviously, I must first work on my character before I can move forward to address my behavior.
Second, intentionality implies we are growing in a specific direction. It’s not random or unplanned. So, know your WHY. What’s your life purpose for this particular stage of your life? For the arrogant, it’s to get over themselves. For the out-of-control life it’s to put out the fire by finding some source of stability.
Longer term, your WHY involves recognizing and pursuing your God-given purpose.
In Proverbs 4.18 Solomon teaches that divine purpose is like a light that gets brighter and brighter the closer we come to that life purpose. As such, we recognize and pursue that which God has prepared us to do! proverbsforprofessionals.net
Third, after WHO and WHY, comes the HOW. That is, I set life priorities and implement growth goals. I ask questions like, “Where do I need to grow?” And, “How can I best get there over time?” The outcome is that I’m living a purpose-driven life; I’m driven by my WHY to pursue a different HOW.
Here’s an example. At one point in my career I was told by my superior that I needed to become much more externally oriented. I was really good at managing the internal operations of a business school. However, that operational focus wasn’t good enough if I wanted to become a dean.
The solution? I accepted a slot on the board of the local, Milledgeville Chamber of Commerce. That volunteer position pushed me out into the community. And, it forced me to build relationships and perspectives different from my focus in the business school. Was that the end-point of my growth? No, but it was a meaningful start toward a needed area of professional growth.
Fourth, change WHAT you do. The self-disciplines and habits we form as we are growing are driven by WHO, WHY, and HOW. It’s much easier to say YES and NO when you have a clear idea of where you are going and why you are going there!
Proverbs 10.5 says it’s wise to recognize opportunity and act on that opportunity. Conversely, it’s shameful to be asleep, and thus allow opportunity to walk past you. So, don’t sleep-walk through life! Instead, be intentional.
Will I change?
Back to an earlier question regarding my willingness to change. Some of the prerequisites to meaningful change in life include:
1). Humility – It’s tough to admit we are falling short in some areas of life. However, it’s much tougher to deal with the consequences of misspent potential.
According to Proverbs 3.34, when I sow humility I reap God’s grace in my life. But, my arrogance returns God’s scorn to me. Hum, what a choice! What should I do!
2). Teachable – This trait combines issues such as a willingness to listen with an openness to try new things, such as different thought and response patterns.
In Proverbs 3.3 Solomon encourages us to be teachable by making character transformation the focus of our personal and spiritual growth. The result is a balanced life of knowing and doing as guided by Godly integrity.
3). Reverence – I can be extremely successful, grow dramatically, and overcome lots of life challenges all by myself. But, what’s the point?
Without clarity about my relationship with the Lord nothing else really matters. Most critically, if I miss this aspect of life, all that other stuff actually has no lasting value because it’s all temporal.
In Proverbs 1.7 and Proverbs 9.10 Solomon emphasizes the importance of reverence as the entry point into a precept-driven life. Then, in Ecclesiastes 12.13 his “conclusion of the whole matter” is that reverence and a precept-driven life are all that really matter!
Deciding to change
For me, the decision to begin growing intentionally occurred around mid-life.
Previously, I had been growing professionally as the opportunity presented itself. However, there was no deliberateness about a growth path. In addition, there was certainly only minimal clarity about who I was as a person.
That change process began in graduate school, during my Ph.D. program. Then, it continued through my fifteen years as a faculty member at Miami University and Georgia College.
The growth process became much more focused and deliberate when I decided to move into administration during the last fifteen years of my academic career. I accessed a variety of growth resources, such as books, Webinars, mentoring, and a one-year fellowship at Berry College.
Regrets are the leftovers of my unwillingness to make hard choices and take disciplined action to change myself. proverbsforprofessionals.net
The point here is that personal and professional growth isn’t impactful when it’s casual.
We must be intentional about growing. Moreover, there must be clarity about where that growth is supposed to take us. For me, I intended to make the move from faculty to administration, thus I needed a whole different set of skills.
We pursue what we value. Proverbs 3.14-15 says that a precept-driven life is of ultimate value. It’s greater than any material wealth we can imagine!
People can change!
We all contain the capacity to change. Hence, the answer to “Can I change?” is Yes. But, things like stubbornness and being satisfied with where I am, or settling for “good enough,” will block meaningful change.
Note that the emphasis in Proverbs is on character transformation. Not once does Solomon speak of native intelligence! My ability to change isn’t a matter of how smart I am. Smart doesn’t take me very far at all because it lets me coast along rather than actively engage with life.
Remember, deeply transformational life change is dependent on my willingness to allow God to transform me from the inside-out.
How about desire?
But, what’s the role of desire? We are told to pursue our passion. So, isn’t desire alone enough? Actually, NO it isn’t!
Desire is a first cousin to good intentions. Both are great, but by themselves, neither one takes you very far. How so? Without deliberate action, all the desire in the world is simply wasted emotion.
We say, someday I will begin to change. Guess what? Someday isn’t a day of the week!
In Proverbs 13.4 Solomon points out that a lazy person has both lots of desire and lots of nothing! He goes on to say that desire must be paired with diligence, which includes decisiveness, focus, and determination. Growth is the result of desire plus diligence.
Some Takeaways
Intentional change is just that – intentional. It’s not accidental. Or, unplanned.
The first step to transformational change is to get over yourself. More specifically, who I am at a point in time doesn’t condemn me to staying that way for the rest of my life!
If you really want to change the outcomes you are experiencing in life then you must first change WHO you are! Life transformation begins with WHO. We should not begin with WHY. Don’t get those two reversed.
Passion is nice, but it’s insufficient. Instead, it’s best to persist toward your God-given life purpose – your WHY! In short, when you pursue your purpose IN life your passion FOR life will follow. Don’t get those two reversed.