For both better and worse, my upbringing had a significant impact on my view of myself and my capabilities that lasted well into my adult years, which helped me answer the question how much is enough?
As a baby boomer, circa 1950, I grew up in what was defined at the time as a middle class household. For both better and worse, that upbringing had a significant impact on my view of myself and my capabilities that lasted well into my adult years.
So, how much is enough? Well, let’s see.
Learning by Observation
Both my parents worked when my sister and I were growing up. Actually, both parents worked right up until their retirement age. My father worked for, and retired from, the same firm where he worked for nearly 50 years.
His job was stable; it provided health care benefits. However, the hours were long and the pay was low. How low? Well, as a new hire at that same firm, my first pay check was about the same as my father’s although he had many more years of time in with the firm.
More critically, both parents were very much a product of their upbringing in the rural and agricultural southeastern U.S. That is, conservative, loyal, and frugal. Hence, no careless spending of what was a fairly modest combined income.
Even an ant has the foresight to work hard and make preparation for seasonal changes! Proverbs 6.8, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Also, they were very careful. Meaning, almost no risk taking. Therefore, they lived fairly confined lives in my opinion. “Confined” in the sense that there was little enjoyment of the material. Instead, everything was to be conserved.
There were no significant gains, but also no major losses. They bought and paid for several houses and cars. But, there was no investment account until after retirement.
Neither parent had a college education. Thus, I’m a first-generation college student.
By today’s standards our homes were small, with just the essentials, which didn’t include central heat and air when I was a child. Vacations were simply a few days in another state during the summer, staying with extended family.
I didn’t play organized sports with the exception of two years when in junior high school because of the perceived expense of participation. My sister and I never had allowances. I was in the band in elementary and junior high school. My instrument was used; the case was in really poor condition.
None of these issues represent severe life depravation for sure. But, the cumulative impact on my self-worth was problematic for years.
All that said, my dad did buy me my first car when I started driving as a teenager. And, NO, I was not as grateful as I should have been for that assistance. But, as the picture of me standing beside that car shows, I was an extremely serious nerd in high school!
Learning by Doing
Once I started working, in high school, I had funds to spend as I wanted for the first time in my life. Actually, I worked all the way through high school, as an undergraduate, and while getting my MBA.
As a result of that job, I helped pay for the last years of my college education. Those expenses were relatively low because I lived at home while going to college. More importantly, I had savings in the bank and was driving a car I had paid for myself when I graduated from college.
My job in high school and college provided much more than free cash flow during my teenage years. What I gained was a deep understanding of how to operate a small business. I was given extra responsibilities, and eventually ran my own store.
That learning about day-to-day operations of a business was an important asset for me when I became an associate dean much later in life. In that position, I was responsible for all the internal operations of a business school. Those same skills carried over into my time as dean.
Those who prepare themselves enjoy the significant benefits of that preparation later in life. Proverbs 22.29, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
How Much Is Enough?
Now, back to the basic question. “Did you have enough money growing up?”
The focus of the question is on the material. Obviously, there are other aspects of family life. Most critically is the aspect of spiritual nurture, that is, being raised to recognize the importance of a personal faith. Also vital, I believe, are aspects such as stability (e.g., no excessive number of relocations, no trauma from drugs or alcohol), love, and nurture.
I was taught by my father and loved by my mother. I learned the importance of following life’s fundamental precepts. Proverbs 4.3-4, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
It’s accurate, I think, to say I felt like many of my friends and acquaintances had much more money than my family did while I was growing up. My perception was that my friend’s homes and cars were nicer. They got to do things, like travel, which we couldn’t afford.
“Enough” is certainly relative. We never lacked for basic necessities while I was growing up. My parents really wanted things to be better for me and my sister than what they had as children and as adults. They worked hard to provide us a better life.
Listening and learning prepares me for the character transformation that’s needed to live a balanced life. Proverbs 7.1-3 paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
The life I enjoy now as a retiree, and prior as a college faculty member, is dramatically different from what I experienced as a child. I enjoy this life because of the foundation I received from my parents. Certainly, our finances in retirement are much different than what my parents had at that same time in their lives.
Am I extremely wealthy? Not by current standards in the U.S. Nevertheless, we enjoy a comfortable life in a wonderful location that’s reasonably close to our children and grandchildren. We are living where we vacationed for years! In fact, the views around our home are wonderful.
Some Take-aways
How we feel about our level of income is very much perceptual. “Enough” is as much about feeling as about reality. While I was growing up, “enough” was extremely modest, in my opinion.
Yes, that really had a negative impact on my self-worth as a child and as a young adult.
I’ve taken risks and experienced serious career set-backs, such as job loss, as a result of those risks. It’s Ok to try and to fail. However, it’s not Ok to quit! Persistence, perhaps expressed by me as stubbornness, is a good trait to develop!
We change our perception of our capabilities by being intentional in the lifestyle and career decisions we make. I chose to grow personally and professionally.
Moreover, I chose to change, to be different from who I was growing up. Entering a Ph.D. program in my late 30’s was certainly a career risk for me. However, the personal and career rewards were significant.
My faith has been a constant throughout my life. I made a profession of faith as a child. Although there have been good and bad times in that walk of faith that paralleled my career challenges, I didn’t abandon the fundamentals of that faith relationship.