We’re often surprised, or shocked, or angry about what people say to us. What should we say? Let’s discuss how to respond to that comment.
Professional or personal interactions often take an unexpected turn. As such, we may be caught off-guard. Worse yet, we struggle with how best to respond, if at all.
So, what to do? I think it is good to have a variety of options available regarding how to respond to a comment. And, no surprise based on the title of this blog, the three options I present here are from the Book of Proverbs!
Option One: Walk Away
We can choose to not engage at all. Thus, we simply walk away.
Why do this? Perhaps we’re angry; walking away gives us some space. Or, maybe we realize the other person is impossible to deal with. Hence, there’s no value in continuing the discussion.
In short, when it’s obvious there’s no common ground between you two, a very practical response is to walk away.
In Proverbs 14.7 Solomon makes this same suggestion. Actually, he says we should not waste time trying to persuade someone who is foolish or refuses to agree on the facts. Thus, when you know the situation is hopeless, let it go. Walk away.
See Proverbs 26.4-5 where Solomon adds that no answer and no rationale is likely to be successful with a fool! proverbsforprofessionals.net
Option Two: Be Gracious
However, at other times, we may need to be gracious. Therefore, find a way to respond with patience and kindness. Be gentle in responding to the other person in order to be persuasive.
This “soft answer” is useful when dealing with someone who is distraught, or angry, or bitter about a life event. Now, they may very well be taking it out on you. But, there’s an underlying situation that’s fueling their reaction.
The “soft answer” comes from Proverbs 15.1. There, a calm, diplomatic response can turn away the anger of another. To respond this way, I need discernment and foresight.
We must be discerning enough to realize that a forceful response under these circumstances will make things worse. See the last half of the verse about “stirring up anger.”
Therefore, be gracious; don’t make things worse.
Option Three: Be Stern
This third option is the most direct. We push back – hard!
How so? Well, we recognize that we are dealing with a bully, or someone who believes they are entitled. They are the narcissist – it’s all about them!
At times, we must be very direct. We must set and enforce boundaries. Consequently, we refuse to endure abusive treatment – for ourselves or for others.
This third option for responding is drawn from Proverbs 25.23. There we read about how a stern face, in turn a very direct response, is necessary when someone is talking behind our back, or they are not being forthcoming about their true motives.
Apply This Today!
Now, the obvious question: How do I know which option to choose? We know because we’ve developed experiential insight. Also, because we’re sensitive enough to situations and personalities that we can discern which option to select. Thus, right behavior at the right time.
Are there other options, or combinations of options? Of course. Think of these three as a continuum with “soft answer” in the middle. Yes, there are always other options. Over time, we build out those other options from our wealth of life experiences.
How to respond to that comment? Actually, it depends! Use the three options in this post as a starting point for crafting responses that are both diplomatic and direct.