It’s easy to say “think before you speak.” But, it’s really hard to think before you speak! Pausing to respond is an essential life skill — let’s discuss.
How Did I Get Here?
Ever been stuck in an emotional, unending conversation and wonder how you got there?
No? Well, maybe it’s time to consider how that’s working out for you!
Fact is, without some basic level of self-awareness, we’ll struggle to make sense of how we got into this trap — again.
Truly, without some careful reflection, we tend to get stuck in recurring and unhealthy patterns of responses.
Pausing to Reflect
For many of us, not just fellow introverts, resets involve time alone to process and recover. That’s great after the fact.
However, in the heat of the moment, when that reset time is split-second, we must remind ourself “What’s most important here — right now — in this conversation?”
That focus on the ultimate goal of the conversation helps anchor our direction toward a specific, desirable outcome.
The process of knowing wisdom changes who I am, how I think, the choices I make, and, as a result, how I act! proverbsforprofessionals.net
Pausing to Respond
How do we manage well in the moment? Thus, when there’s limited time for us to consider options. And, when we must think on our feet. Be flexible. Look for options.
Here are two suggestions:
1). Self-awareness is essential. Our self-awareness helps us sense the rising anger or suspicion, or whatever — in the moment. Sensing our feelings is a necessary first step. But, that sensemaking must be paired with some form of an intentional pause to construct something other than a knee-jerk reaction.
2). To be influential, and move a conversation forward toward a desirable end, we must reply with discretion rather than react with emotion. That’s easy to say but hard to do when we feel as if we’re being attacked personally. Or, if we have a long history of emotionally-charged interactions with someone.
Yes, the foundation here is self-awareness and self-control, paired with what we recognize in the personal across from us. In other words, this is about our level of emotional intelligence.
It’s really that basic, but as such, really that challenging.
The Precept
Solomon discussed this quandary of balancing the desire to defend yourself with discretion in what we say.
In Proverbs 10.19 he points out “…the multitude of words…” can be a problem. His solution? “…he that refrains his lips is wise.” Thus, we’re wise to not speak or to carefully consider what we should and should not say at a given point in time.
Similarly, in Proverbs 16.32 he reminds us about the value of being “…slow to anger…” Thus, be self-controlled.
Finally, in Proverbs 19.11 he emphasizes that our discretion, our ability to recognize what’s most important, enables us to defer our anger. Why? Because we see the bigger issue that’s at work in a given situation. Sometimes it’s best to let it go!
Apply This Today!
Pausing to respond is a learned trait, just like immediate, thoughtless responses are learned.
I build self-control by reflection.
Moreover, when I’m self aware I’ll know what I do well. As well, I’ll know what pushes my buttons!
Unfortunately, the more you say, the greater the chances of saying something bad! So, what’s the solution? Simply, behave wisely by being self-controlled.
Actually, what we’re discussing here is the gap between good intention and effective execution! In short, identify your feelings, know what’s most critical at that moment, then find a way to respond appropriately.
I’m Dale Young. My posts share the balanced life to build wise character and guide wise behavior.
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