Self-control is a precious asset. Actually, it’s a critical success factor in life according to Proverbs 16.32! It exceeds other success measures, such as past accomplishments. Therefore, be self-controlled!
Self-control is critical. In fact, it’s more important than physical strength or other success measures. Proverbs 16.32 paraphrase
Success Factors
Why is there so much emphasis in the popular and business press on emotional intelligence (EQ)? More specifically, on self-awareness and self-control?
In short, because EQ is a key factor in the effectiveness of a leader.
The Proverbs pick up on awareness and control in several places.
Although the term EQ wasn’t used 3,000 years ago, the ancients were certainly aware of the basic constructs of EQ.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Emotional intelligence (EQ) means I understand and manage myself. In addition, I understand and influence others.
I build self-control by reflection. Actually, when I’m self aware I will know what I do well. Also, I’ll know what pushes my buttons!
EQ Benefits
A search on “emotional intelligence benefits” returns over 76,000,000 entries!
EQ benefits me, both emotionally and in my career. For example, it helps me be more self-controlled. Additionally, I’m better able to communicate with other team members. Also, managers with high EQ are more effective leaders.
Therefore, be self-controlled!
EQ in Proverbs
The Proverbs start with an EQ-like process. For a graphic, see the following flow diagram from Proverbs Chapter 1.
Specifically, the diagram tells us the following. Let’s begin with the end in mind. Thus, the desired end point is wise behavior! However, to behave myself wisely I must make sound decisions.
Next, I realize that the root of sound decisions is clear thinking. Finally, clear thinking comes out of a discerning character that can tell right from wrong.
This growth process is iterative, not linear. Also, it’s continual, not a one-off activity. Finally, it’s intensely personal, not some abstract concept.
The wisdom process changes who I am, how I think, what I decide, and, as a result, how I act! proverbsforprofessionals.net
The Process Explained
First, the foundation for being able to think clearly is a discerning character. Thus, self-discernment or self-awareness is Step One in a series of actions that lead to behavioral change.
A wise and discerning character is the foundation for all that follows in my influence as a leader.
How do I build a discerning character? See the keystone verse in Proverbs 1.7 for the answer! Thus, to repeat…
Who I am drives how I think.
It follows that how I think controls my decisions, and therefore what I do!
In short, my perceptions become my reality because of my conscious choices!
Second in the flow diagram, is clear thinking. In fact, my ability to think clearly, critically, and honestly about myself enhances my current level of self-awareness.
Simply put, self-reflection leads me to greater self-awareness. Moreover, self-awareness is the foundation for EQ.
For Proverbs take on self-awareness, see Proverbs 14.8. There we read that critical thinking builds self-discernment, thus self-awareness. In contrast, the verse says it’s foolish to be self-deceived. Hence, know yourself!
Critical thinking enhances self-awareness, but the foolishly overconfident are self-deceived. Proverbs 14.8 paraphrase
Third, is self-control. Hence, the focus verse from Proverbs 16.32. It says be slow to anger. In fact, this verse says self-control exceeds any number of success measures. Examples of success measures are physical strength, political influence, wealth, and a military victory.
For Proverbs take on self-control, see Proverbs 19.11. It says that I will defer anger when I stay focused on what’s most critical. Interestingly, the Hebrew word for defer means to make long!
You will hold off your anger when you realize what’s most critical in a situation. Thus, sometimes you must let it go! Proverbs 19.11 paraphrase
Step Four. What’s the outcome of self-awareness and self-control? The opening chapter of Proverbs argues that these two traits produce sound decisions. Moreover, those sound decisions lead to wise behavior.
The Process Outcome
Self-awareness and self-control produce sound decisions that impact me in social situations. As expected, sound decisions and wise behavior drive my influence as a leader.
Thus, think right to act right! In other words, self-aware and controlled, plus socially-aware and controlled, produce influence as a leader.
How so? I enter this process of self-awareness, self-control, and wise behavior by a deliberate choice. I choose to grow!
Therefore, be self-controlled!
Leadership Insight
As a leader I desire influence because that influence drives us forward toward toward organizational goals.
I build influence as a leader to the extent that I exhibit sound judgment and wise behavior. Hence, what did I decide and what did I do about it?
Fortunately, or unfortunately, who I am at my core drives this entire process.
Self-awareness and self-control get to the heart of who I am as a person.
Growing as a Leader
I will be no better as a leader than I am as a person.
Thus, to improve as a leader I must get better as a person.
Here’s the reality – we all struggle with these precepts, every day! Unfortunately, sound judgment and wise behavior are not some magical end point, but constant challenges.
You made a good decision yesterday as a leader. How nice! Guess what? Today is a different set of challenges.
Every day as a leader I must ask myself – how’s my character? Am I behaving in a manner that is ethical and just? Am I leading only from the head?
Every day as a leader I must ask myself – How’s my thinking? Am I aware of my biases? How about my over-confidence? Do I rush to get it done and move on? Similarly, am I unwillingness to listen to sound advice?
Apply This Today!
Self-reflection adds to my self-awareness, which in turn, is an element of a discerning character. Thus, first I must be self-discerning.
A discerning character assists with clear thinking, which in turn, produces sound decisions. Thus, I must learn to think – on my feet and also think deeply.
Getting this process right starts me on a path of life-time growth in my leadership skills.
Self-control, as a result of self-awareness, is a critical skill that (for me at least) requires constant re-learning! (It’s all those other people who are the problem!!!)
Therefore, be self-controlled!
Post originally published December 6, 2019. Updated April 8, 2023.
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