We can say lots of things, in lots of different ways. Speaking with discretion should be on top of our list.
This Post in a Sentence: Be discerning enough to know the truth but discrete enough to speak the truth without being offensive.
Bookend Extremes
Here are two perspectives about what we say to others, and how we say it:
Me: The fact that what I say to you is offensive to you doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
You: The fact that what you say to me is offensive to me doesn’t mean you’re right.
We can speak passionately while using discretion. But, we can also speak passionately while being indiscrete and hurtful. When we’re thinking critically, we’ll challenge the validity of our passionately-held beliefs. Moreover, these differences of perspective don’t imply right or wrong, and certainly don’t mean one person holds the moral high ground. Conversely, when we’re arrogantly inflexible, we demand that everyone agree with us!
Evaluating My Beliefs
Here are some guidelines to consider when we find our beliefs are offensive to some:
1). Being convinced we’re right and moral doesn’t guarantee that either is true! For example, Proverbs 14.12 observes that we convince ourself we’re right when, in fact, the outcome is deadly! Being certain is very different from being discerning enough to know right from wrong.
2). We should be aware of self-justification that fails fundamental tests for self-control, a servant attitude, and essential human sensitivity.
Here’s how these self-deceptive beliefs play out in practice:
First, we express disdain or hatred for others, or belittle their opinions. However, we’re taught to “… love one another …” John 15.12, and “… love your enemies …” Matthew 5.44.
Second, we excuse abusive or offensive speech as necessary or allowable. Conversely, we’re told to “… give none offense …” 1 Corinthians 8.9 and 1 Corinthians 10.32.
Third, we’re combative and defensive. However, we’re commanded to be sensitive, flexible, and forgiving by turning the other cheek, Matthew 5.38-42.
These counter-intuitive practices show up as common wisdom such as “… catch more flies with honey …”, as well as in influence techniques like reciprocity.
But Wait, There’s More!
Most bluntly, we’re commanded in Ephesians 4.14-15, to not be childish and immature “… no longer be children …” And, to not be so naive that we believe everything we hear “… tossed … carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness …” Instead, we’re to grow up (ugh!) by discretely speaking the truth to others “… speaking the truth in love … grow up in every way …”
Thus, the expectation for the emotionally intelligent and spiritually mature is that they’re discerning enough to know the truth, but discrete enough to speak that truth without being offensive.
This combination of truth and discretion is an aspect of an influential life. Therefore, don’t water down your influence by sharing your insights in a way that’s careless and insensitive.
Apply This Today!
Stop acting like a child. More importantly, stop being offended when being treated like a child because of acting like a child! There’s a valid reason our opinions are being marginalized by others who are thinking critically!
Are inflexible and offensive opinions worth destroying your influence and credibility? Thus, count the costs before speaking and acting.
Impactful ideas, expressed carelessly and indiscreetly, have no impact. Worse yet, the few who agree with our narrow, inflammatory positions, are not an audience we should be cultivating if we want to be influential.
Find ways to grow your influence by appealing to the higher nature of yourself and others, rather than pandering to vindictiveness, bitterness, and rage at perceived inequities.
A Question to Consider
Speaking with discretion implies self-control and thoughtfulness. How have you intentionally developed these essential traits of influence?
I’m Dale Young. My posts share the balanced life to build wise character and guide wise behavior.
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