Having a friend as a listener helps us overcome negative self-talk, if we’re willing to act on the advice!
What We Say to Ourself
Negative self-talk is a tough habit to break because it is deeply engrained. It’s a learned response that’s closely tied to our sense of self-worth. Thus, self-talk and self-worth reinforce each other.
We spiral into negative self-talk for a number of reasons, such as making a serious (or not so serious) mistake, or facing a severe challenge in life (e.g., health, career, relationship).
What’s a way out?
How do we side-step negative self-talk? Treat it like dealing with impulsiveness, such as a short temper, poor spending habits, or falling repeatedly into unhealthy relationships.
1). Pause – When negative thoughts hit, pause and catch yourself. Respond appropriately rather than react emotionally. That is, step outside of yourself as an observer. Listen to yourself.
2). Confront – Ask, “Is what I’m thinking about myself really true?” The pause helps redirect the conversation to something more constructive, such as “How did I solve a similar problem in the past?” and “I am capable, I can do this.”
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” Proverbs 27.6 proverbsforprofessionals.net
Help From a Friend
In addition to self-confronting, it’s also helpful to have a close friend who can talk us off the ledge. They do that by way of a hard conversation when we’re not thinking clearly. When we’re in a spiral of despair.
That close friend has the credibility to tell us what we need to hear. Truly, we benefit from a friend as a listener
Proverbs 27.9 describes “… the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel” or alternatively “… from the counsel of the soul.” What the friend has to say touches us deeply because it’s earnest and heartfelt. The friend’s counsel touches our soul.
Friends sharpen each other when they have something to offer the other person. That is, there must be some “iron” in each friend’s life, in the form of previously-developed character and experiential insights. Traits that produce sharpening in others include: deep listening, discernment, compassion, empathy, self-confidence, learning from prior experiences, and spiritual/emotional sensitivity.
Apply This Today!
Our self-talk is powerful. It can build us up or tear us down. We decide. And Yes, negative self-talk is a tough habit to break. Hence, the need for a listening and tough-talking friend.
My Personal Experience: Soul-level friendships are valuable. For me, what started as one-on-one mentoring quickly evolved. Now, we’ve been meeting regularly for several years. Our conversations have deepened as we’ve faced serious issues. Both of us are enjoying the listening, mutual support, and encouragement from the deep friendship.
A Question to Consider
Building an impactful friendship demands intentionality. Deep sharing doesn’t happen unless we’re deliberate about it. What are you doing to build this type of beneficial relationship?
I’m Dale Young. My posts share the balanced life to build wise character and guide wise behavior.
To interact with me, use the links in the Contact Me tab of this blog.
