We like to think about going back in time and speaking with our younger self. Fact is, that’s not going to happen! Nevertheless, here’s some advice to my younger self.
A longer version of the title for this post is “What is the most important advice you would give to your younger self?”
I suspect that for many people, “most important” would be really difficult to answer if you had to boil down all life experiences into one piece of advice.
One Piece of Advice
Well, if pushed into a corner, my one piece of advice to my younger self would be to stay faithful in my spiritual life. I think I was consistent, mostly, in doing that. But, if I was sharing with my children and grandchildren I would encourage them to focus their attention on their own spiritual growth.
Why personal spiritual growth? Because clarity about WHO you are in relation to God, as well as about your divinely-given life purpose, is critical. Remember, life purpose drives your priorities. Therefore, if you don’t have your spiritual life straight, purpose and priorities become much harder to figure out.
A Warning
Now, a warning. The term “spirituality” gets much usage, and lots of misuse. I’m defining spirituality and spiritual growth strictly in the terms used in scripture. If someone’s definition of spirituality strays from the concepts of Lordship and a personal relationship with God, then that definition simply doesn’t match what is found is scripture.
Remember, your faith brings you into a personal relationship with the eternal God. Then, your walk of faith enables you to deepen that relationship so that it has a very practical impact on your life by way of the choices you make.
In Ecclesiastes 12.1 Solomon encourages those younger than him to remember their creator while they are young. That is, to build spirituality early in life. He closes that verse with a warning about how waiting until later to build a relationship with God is problematic. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Some Other Advice
Now that the “most important advice” is out of the way, here’s some other advice.
1). Give Yourself Some Slack
You are never going to be perfect. And, you’re never going to progress as fast as your unrealistic expectations demand. So, back off a bit. It’s Ok to take a risk and to fail. Just get up and keep moving forward.
I was overly self-critical for much of my time growing up. The result was my poor self-image was a serious drag on how I progressed professionally and personally.
2). Start Early on Growth
There’s no better investment you can make than to be intentional about your own personal growth. That growth entails things like building self-awareness and self-confidence. Also, it means you are aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. And, your personality type.
Personal growth means you are building emotional intelligence by becoming self-aware and self-controlled. Plus you are growing in your awareness of those around you.
After your personal relationship with the Lord, nothing is more important to your emotional well being than personal growth. Know WHO you are. For each given season of your life (e.g., college or trade school, early career, mid-career) clearly understand your purpose at that point in time.
Here are three examples of life purpose from different seasons of my own life.
A). When I was early in my career I was learning (very slowly!) the basics of how to effectively manage business relationships while building a sense of my own self-worth.
B). Much later, when I was a business school dean, my purpose was to find resources through fund raising and other means to support faculty, staff, and students.
C). Finally, at this current season of my life, my value proposition reads as follows. The sharing occurs through this blog and thorough my LinkedIn posts.
I share the balanced life with influencers so they can be wise-hearted and wise-behaving. proverbsforprofessionals.net
3). Take Responsibility for Your Life Outcomes
Your mindset is critical. Don’t be a victim. That is, don’t view life as something that’s happening to you. Why? Because life is something you are able to live right now, if you are present and you are aware of what’s going on around you.
Moreover, don’t blame everyone else for the aspects of your life that you can control. Instead, find a way forward. By being proactive, you will develop self-confidence while building experiential insights. Better yet, you will have those life successes to look back on and say “I’ve faced worse and have come out successfully on the other side.”
4). Differentiate Among Control, Influence, and Out-of-Control
One of the most critical areas of life in which we must develop discernment is in regard to areas of control. Get this right and you will save yourself lots of hand-wringing and unnecessary stress!
What I Control
You can control your responses to life events even though you don’t control every life event. Thus, be a learner by having a teachable attitude. Again, Why? Because sometimes the way forward is to change your perception about what’s happening.
Remember, your perception is the reality you have chosen to live in, so you must choose your perception wisely! proverbsforprofessionals.net
What I Influence
Some life outcomes you can influence. To do so, you must develop discretion and insight about how to influence others. You must recognized when someone can, and cannot, be reasoned with.
You will find influence a critical life skill as soon as you must work with others to accomplish a common goal.
What I Don’t Control
Finally, some events are simply out of your control. For example, you don’t get to select what’s happening in the world economy. Generally, you don’t control who your boss is. You don’t get to choose when a layoff occurs.
However, you do get to choose how you respond to life’s challenges when you must start a multi-month job search. Also, you get to choose to set aside some slack resources for the inevitable rainy day.
5). Connect Behaving Wisely with Use of Good Judgment
The opening verses of Proverbs Chapter 1 clearly link our wise behavior with use of good judgment.
Here’s the progression that brings us to the point of behaving wisely:
A). In order to behave wisely and make sense of things, develop good judgment.
B). To develop good judgment, learn to think critically and be discerning.
* Critical thinking means being able to think fast and think slow.
* Discernment is a factor of being teachable and seeking wise counsel.
This progression is based on reverence, which is the beginning of knowledge. See Proverbs 1.7.
In short, don’t walk around in a confused daze all the time!
Instead, choose to know wisdom. Therefore, choose life!
Some Takeaways
There’s an assumption here about “Advice to my younger self.” We’re assuming my younger self would be willing to listen to, then thoughtfully consider, the advice!
In general, regardless of our stage in life, we’re able to absorb advice depending on our level of emotional maturity at that point in time.
It’s pointless to go back in time because my prior self at that earlier stage of life would, very likely, not grasp why a specific piece of advice was so critical.
Almost all advice is experiential. That is, it’s based on how life played out for someone else. Thus, some advice can be valid under a given set of circumstances, but not other circumstances. When considering advice, make sure you discern how it’s likely to fit your life circumstances right now.
Consider the source of the advice. Ask yourself questions such as:
“Is this advice unbiased?”
“Is what I’m hearing factual?”
“Does this person have the expertise that makes this advice valid?”
“Are there other factors, not being discussed, that I must consider?”
Unfortunately, confirmation bias says we look for an opinion or information that matches what we already believe to be true. Conversely, critical thinking is able to handle conflicting and confounding opinions.