For some reason, life doesn’t always work as planned. That said, there’s always learning from the unexpected if we work at it!
Truly, we are all human, thus unique.
So, we should expect the unexpected regarding lifestyle choices.
Similarly, the uniqueness of each child guarantees at least some unexpected aspects of our children.
As parents, we like to think we control most of the positive life outcomes of our children.
And, by implication, we have no responsibility for the negative outcomes in our children’s lives!
Ha, how unrealistic! That said, learning from the unexpected is possible!
Solomon noted that as a child, his father King David taught him how the most impactful character transformation is driven by the universal precepts of wisdom. Proverbs 4.3-4 paraphrase. provebsforprofessionals.net
Control or Influence?
The fact is, our children are the product of many different influences.
Certainly we have an important role as parents. We can guide and consult. But, parents don’t demand or control specific outcomes in the lives of their children.
Interestingly, I’m always reminded about King David as a father. Now, there was a messy family!
For example, David raised Solomon, someone known for wisdom and a life guided by scriptural precept. That said, David also raised Absalom, the ultimate in a rebellious, self-consumed, and self-destructive child!
For me, the differing lifestyles of those two children – Solomon and Absalom – is indication of how parents influence but don’t absolutely control the life outcomes of children.
King Hiram commented that God had given to King David a wise son who was able to grasp what’s most critical while making sense of things! Second Chronicles 2.12, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Thus, lifestyle choice, good or bad, is one unexpected aspect of our children.
Several times, over the past 45 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that the best we can hope for as parents, in multiple instances, is to agree to disagree about the decisions being made by our adult children.
Kings came from all over to hear the wisdom of Solomon. First Kings 4.34, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Spirituality
For me, a second unexpected aspect of our children relates to their spirituality.
Clearly, the way we express spirituality in our lives as parents is very different than how our children do that.
I suspect some of that difference is generational.
How so? My generation sought membership and participation in mainline churches as an important expression of inner spirituality.
Obviously, our children have not chosen that method of following their faith in God.
I’m not being critical, but simply pointing out an obvious lifestyle choice regarding an expression of faith, as well as the practice of that faith.
So what? We must take care to differentiate a deeply-held personal faith, which is eternally important, from the many different ways of expressing that faith.
As a parent, my prayer is that, above all else, my children and grandchildren recognize the life-altering importance of being a person of faith in God.
Solomon said, Lord, you have made me who I am to serve this great nation. First Kings 3.7-8, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Growing from Imperfection
It may be hard to believe, but parents have an unrealistic expectation. That is, they are convinced they will raise perfect children!
Ugh, such dreams when we’re young!
How so? Well, “perfect” children as defined by us as parents of course!
Conversely, the reality of life is that children – somehow – survive and thrive without perfect parents!
Solomon loved and obeyed the Lord, even though he wasn’t perfect. First Kings 3.3, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Consequently, here’s a crucial but unexpected aspect of our children. That is, despite having imperfect parents they somehow are able to make their way in the world!
As a result, they are able to pursue a life of fulfillment and purpose.
Dealing with Challenge
Now, as much as we would like, parents cannot protect their children from life challenges.
Granted, some of those challenges are the result of the intentional actions by the children.
And, in those cases, the parent must decide how to intervene, or not intervene at all, as a child or grandchild learns from choices he/she has made.
As a parent, I’ve had several opportunities with several children to make choices about how to intervene. Yes, those are, at times, unpleasant choices!
However, like it or not, we all get to deal with the consequences of our lifestyle choices. So, choose wisely!
Actually, a number of the challenges children face are simply a factor of life as determined by divine providence.
Therefore, another unexpected aspect of our children is their ability to move forward in the face of life challenge.
Some examples of those dramatic challenges include difficult career transitions, serious/recurring physical problems, financial setbacks, divorce, and loss of a child/grandchild.
As a parent, you certainly hope your children have observed and absorbed what they saw in the parent’s lives when the parents faced similar challenges in years prior.
Now, life experiences are good. And, learning from life experiences is better. But, life experiences that lead to growth, persistence, and successful outcomes are best!
Everyone heard how King Solomon exercised good judgment when faced with a difficult choice! Moreover, he was influential because he exhibited the wisdom of God. First Kings 3.28, paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Finding Abundance
I suspect parents have differing aspirations for their children.
For me, one hope I have for my children is that they find true abundance in their lives.
That abundance is reflected in a number of hoped for, rather than unexpected, aspects of our children.
The sow-reap precept teaches that when we give to others we receive back in overflowing abundance. In fact, we get back in proportion to how we give out! Luke 6.38 paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
For example, evidence of life abundance, to me, includes characteristics such as genuine spirituality, stable relationships – in marriage as well as with their own children, financial independence, and deep joy from a life well lived.
In addition, I hope our children find an extremely satisfying life, as I have, after their professional careers have ended.
Some Observations
1). The unexpected aspects of our children are simply evidence of the recurring cycle of life as passed from one generation to the next.
2). Despite our imperfections as parents, I believe we acted with good intentions. Later, we get to see those efforts and intentions play out in the lives of both our children and our grandchildren.
3). It’s gratifying to watch your children mature, become self-sufficient, and grow both personally and professionally.
4). Moreover, it’s fulfilling to see children take on positions of influence through their careers, service to others, and as parents themselves.
5). Most critically, it’s really enjoyable to watch your children grow up a second time through the lives of your grandchildren.