True friendship adds value; it involves mutual giving. Conversely, shallow friendships exists simply for what can be gained. So, don’t be a shallow friend!
This blog post republishes my personal LinkedIn posts that appeared online between May 24 and May 28, 2021. The posts discuss: root cause for anger, the value of friendship, destructive pride, character transformation, and the importance of being action oriented.
Why am I angry?
A knee-jerk response of anger is often misplaced. Why? Because I’m responding to a surface issue, to a symptom. Anger doesn’t uncover root cause.
Conversely, when I set aside that flash of anger I create space for understanding what’s essential.
Then, I can respond appropriately. And, have a productive conversation about the real issue.
Similarly, Proverbs 19.11 says when I grasp essential meaning I defer my anger.
In sum, I build leadership influence when I’m self-controlled enough to focus on what’s essential instead of being angry at symptomatic behavior.
True friendship
Unfortunately, having friends isn’t a guarantee I’m likeable or caring. How so? Well, sometimes relationships are shallow, that is, they’re based on externals. Like wealth and power.
So, others are friendly based on what they perceive they can get back. Thus, I could attract many shallow relationships, even if I’m despicable!
Similarly, Proverbs 19.4 says “wealth makes many friends.” It points out the fallacy of self-deception in regard to relationships.
I think it’s important to take a hard look at what I bring to the table in relationships. What am I giving away that’s impactful and valuable to others?
How do you define true friendship?
What does pride look like?
Pride shows up in my appearance. Then, in my actions. My pride is apparent to others.
So, what does pride look like? Sneering. Chin up. Talking down. Dismissive. Arrogant. Inflexible.
It’s easy to spot in others. You’re probably thinking of a couple of individuals right now!
Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to spot in myself.
Proverbs 21.4 discusses the problem of a high look and a proud character, noting that it seeps into my normal, daily work activities.
Pride erodes relationships. Thus, it’s an expensive habit for anyone, especially a leader.
What works for identifying areas of destructive pride in your life?
What comes first?
Can good habits produce sound character? Or, must I first focus on who I am? Well, it depends!
If I believe in outside-in transformation, then focus on habits. But, if I believe character drives thoughts and actions, I will look first at who I am inside.
Now, Proverbs 21.15 states that those with integrity exercise good judgment. Here, the order of operation is first a sound character, then second, appropriate actions.
I agree that bad habits are destructive. Similarly, good habits are a tool for growth. However, the clear pattern in the wisdom literature is to first focus on who I am – the being. Then, I’m positioned to address what I do – my habits.
But I have an excuse!
I use excuses to explain inaction. But, I’m not exempt from the consequences of that inaction. Why? Because the sow-reap law is so inflexible.
What’s the root cause of my inaction? Often it’s a lack of motivation that leads to poor choices. Thus, those poor choices reflect my character.
Likewise, Proverbs 20.4 criticizes the lazy person who makes the excuse that it’s “too cold to plow.” The excuse doesn’t protect from the problems that come later (“beg in harvest…”).
What to do? Stop making excuses! To change my behavior, I must first address the issues with my character. That’s hard work and it involves self-awareness and honest self-assessment.
How do you address destructive inaction?
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