Who we are drives what we say, so like it or not, we say who we are!
A Dishonest Complement
In the Proverbs, words like praise and honor indicate an honest complement. Conversely, the word flattery is used in Proverbs to mean deception, enticement, or entrapment.
Flattery is mentioned alongside lying, Proverbs 26.28, as a destructive trait. In Proverbs 29.5, flattery means to entrap, thus “… spread a net …” for a friend or neighbor.
Interestingly, the Hebrew word for flatter, Chalaq, is also translated smooth, as in Psalm 55.21 “… words … smoother than butter …” and Proverbs 5.3 “… speech is smoother than oil.” Hence, the negative connotation of smooth-talking.
Unsurprisingly, flattery is connected to inappropriate relationships. See for example, the following verses from Proverbs: 2.16, 5.3, 6.24, 7.5, using Chelqah, and 7.21, using Cheleq. Each one mentions adultery.
Close friendships feature conversations that both hurt and heal! Proverbs 27.6 paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Hard Conversations
Proverbs 28.23 contrasts rebuke, also translated reproof, with flattery. As such, relationship building may involve some hard conversations at times.
The verse says honest rebuke is of greater value “… find more favor …” than the deception of flattery. Thus, don’t fall into the trap of only saying what the other person wants to hear, thereby compromising your integrity.
Is there an immediate impact on understanding for these hard words? Not always. That’s why words like afterward or later are is used in the translations. Thus, being a positive influence can be a slow process!
Honest rebuke is eventually more impactful than dishonest flattery. Proverbs 28.23 paraphrase. proverbsforprofessionals.net
Apply This Today!
We say who we are. But, why be deceptive when it’s so destructive? Ultimately, using flattery points to a corrupt character.
Ask yourself questions such as: “Why am I saying this?”, “What’s my motivation?”, and “Is what I’m saying who I want to be?”
Flattery involves different motives than diplomacy. We can be wise in our words and actions without being deceitful.
A Question to Consider
How do you react when receiving an unexpected or overly-generous complement?
Some Additional Vocabulary
In Proverbs, several Hebrew words are translated as smooth, flattery, flattering, entice, and deceive. This post focuses on Chalaq. Similarly, Pathah appears in Proverbs 1.10 and Proverbs 16.29 meaning to entice into crime or violence. In Proverbs 20.19 a busybody, talebearer – Rakil, is using flattery to spread rumors. Finally, in Proverbs 24.28 we’re warned about being a false witness, deceive not – Pathah, against a friend or neighbor.
I’m Dale Young. My posts share the balanced life to build wise character and guide wise behavior.
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